How to be friends to a person with a disability

Today I read a post from my friend Ferrett on how to be friends to a disabled person. It is a very heartfelt, well meant post that shows his love for his dear, departed uncle. However, it is from the point of view of an ablebodied person.  I do not fault him on this at all, and in fact find it heartwarming to know that if we lived in the same proximity that he would make allowances for my mobility impairment.

That said, I have my own two cents to put in. I realize everyone’s mileage may vary, but this is what I have to offer.

First rule, don’t pity me. It struck me that there were notes of pity  for the other person in the above essay. I don’t want to be pitied. And I’m no more “brave” than I am pitiful either. I am just living my life, which happens to include some extra accessories to help me compensate.  I just want to live my life and have my relationships with my family and friends and to be treated as fairly as possible.

And that’s what it comes down to. Treating each other fairly. I appreciate when ablebodied people slow down for me when I’m toddling about  on crutches just as much as I am sure the slow walking ambulatory person appreciates it when I slow down for them when I’m in my wheelchair.

Now, my disability is progressive/degenerative , so I didn’t suddenly end up in a wheelchair; rather, it was an evolution. I have mobility equipment for any occasion in my home as a result. I even have a powerchair, but I much prefer getting around under my own power in my manual chair. Each new device required it’s own period of grief and emotional adjustment. But, I got through that with the help and acceptance of my friends.

Which brings me to rule number two, accept me as I am and don’t treat me any differently. Getting a new piece of adaptive equipment does not change who I am. I’m still me, Morgan. I still love games, gaming conventions, movies, writing, art, my cats, and and my church.

I still want to hug and be hugged, and loved the same as always. When I got my wheelchair, one of my biggest concerns was hugging, as strange as it sounds. I’m grateful to say that I still get and give plenty of hugs.  And I have been able to keep on having an active life. If anything, I’m more active than before.

So now you know, from the point of view of a person with a mobility impairment, how to be a friend to a person with a disability.

Just be their friend.